One year of transformation journal

 I felt good and motivated today.  I am eager to lose weight. I have in mind to drop 200 grams every day. I know it is a lot, but the idea that I could have my dream body by my birthday is stronger than any struggle.  98.5 kg as per today.  I read a bit from the Lake by Yasunari Kawamata. However, I found the first novelette to be boring and ridiculous. I didn't like it. I have two more to read.  I felt very tired after work. I did some extra hours.  Skin care: retinol + serum + SPF cream  Food : tomatoes, cucumbers, cheese, eggs and bread Book : Yasunari Kawamata - "the Lake"  Water: Almost 5 liters.

I write this on the 2nd of June.  I worked hard these days and I started reading Daphne du Maurier's novel " Frenchman's Creek". So far I like it, but I don't have too much of a motivation to read. I have occupied my time with watching weight loss shows and playing mystery games. I also did some learning for driver's school.  The dress that I wanted came back on stock at HnM and I could purchase it. However it took a long time to arrive and when it arrived I found it too tight on my breasts and I could barely close the zipper and breathe in it. I am now even more motivated than ever to loose weight. I need to lose weight to fit in this gorgeous dress. I started to weigh in almost on a daily basis because when I don't I tend to forget that I am on a weight loss journey and start binge eating. I don't even know how I managed to put on this much weight again. 

 I woke up early today and very refreshed.  I made myself the breakfast (one fried egg + chicken breast + gouda cheese + cherry tomatoes + bread) and I decided to drink a lot of water today to clean up my body.  For lunch I had a Mexican tuna salad and for dinner I chicken thigh with polenta.  I tidied up my room a bit.  Movie : Mulan (I think that this movie is underappreciated) Book : Djuna Barnes - Nightwood I am a better version than yesterday. 

You won't believe what I did today!😍 I called the guy at the driving school and told him that I wanted to start. He said OK and we will meet up on Monday to make the registration documents. I am so excited about this but I am also very afraid of driving and producing an accident. However, it is my dream to have a driver's license and it's on my resolution list every year. This year is the last year that this is on my resolution list.😏 In the evening I went to the doctor's office to get a necessary paper for the registration.  I also finished reading Kristin Hannah's book "Night Road". And, oh my God!, what a trip that has been!

 Three weeks have already passed since I started the journey of becoming my best version. I don't feel that I have accomplished much in these past 3 weeks, but this challenge makes me push through. I do take my supplements daily, my skin is glowing, I read more, my skin is glowing and I am more careful with what I eat. But I don't feel that I did enough and I didn't reach my full potential just yet. I am still fat, I am still having only one source of income, I am still an unpublished author. However, nothing can stop me from fulfilling my dreams of becoming the version that I am supposed to be: the dream girl, the IT girl, the Heather.  Today the French had a day off, so I didn't have any mails or calls. At lunch I made tortellini with tomato sauce and veggies. I read from Kristin Hannah's book and rearranged the bookshelves that are in my bedroom. Later I wrote a poem and I cooked chicken goulash and spinach and green onion salad for my family. After dinner I watc...

Although I am still on period and I have experienced huge cramps today, I had a lot of energy end I felt super motivated.  I woke up at around 8:15 a.m. I did my morning routine, I did some stretching with Pamela Reif on Youtube and then I had my protein shake.    In the morning, since I didn't have much work to do, I started to write a review for Sofia Segovia's novel, "The Murmur of bees", a novel which I started reading during this journey. I felt over productive today.  At lunch I had a boiled egg, rice cakes, some leftover ham salad and some cherry tomatoes and cucumbers.  At dinner I cooked myself a greens salad and a carrot cream soup and I had them with rice cakes as well.  🍅🥒🧅🥗🍘🧀 I feel good about myself. 😍 Now I am about to read from Meg Mason's book. I need to recover yesterday's reading progress, because I only read 60 pages yesterday. 📖 Read more articles:  Yesterday

What do you do when you feel that you haven't done anything so far?  I don't have an answer to this question. If someone asks me this I am sure that I can give them a few ideas and advices. However, I cannot seem to be able to give myself the same ideas and advices. When it comes to me, I always self sabotage.  15 days have passed and I haven't moved. I am still in the same place, still as fat, still as unknown. I must change. I must push myself. I must bring in the same attitude that I had when I was in college when I wanted to quit my job and college and just travel. Then I remember why I wanted to go to college and why I wasn't supposed to quit.  Now, that I am 29 yo, I feel that I let myself down, because when I was 23, I imagined my 29 yo self rich and with the books published and maybe with a movie script on the table of one of the greatest movie companies. I wish that I did more until this age.  I must not waste my time anymore. I must grind and push through. ...

 I woke up at eight o'clock. Despite the fact that it was super chilly and cloudy outside, I felt awesome for the entire day. I didn't have energy spikes or lows. I think this is due to the new supplements that I've started to take since yesterday. The day went easily and I didn't have too much work to do, so I read 160 pages from Kristin Harmel's book "The Winemaker's Wife". In the evening I did some bullet journaling and this was my day. I'd say that I ate pretty clean today, except for 2 Roshen chocolate candies at lunch.  Weight : 98.2 kg ↑ Wake up : 08:00 Breakfast : supplements + protein shake  Lunch : supplements + 2 drumsticks + one boiled egg + 2 pralines  Snacks : spirulina latte+apple+2 boiled eggs+ cucumber slices + leftover grean beans + 1 slice of bread  Dinner : supplements + veggies stew + polenta + cottage cheese with sour cream and spring onions Book : Kristin Harmel - The Winemaker's Wife.